I came out

Emily, 15, was struggling to come to terms with her sexuality until she met Annie. She emailed us her story ...

It all started in September of 2007 when I first began to accept that I fancied other girls.

My best friend Lottie had told me already that she was bi-sexual. Because I was in denial I said I believed it was wrong. To try and get my head around the feelings I was having I went away to London with some friends but the more I tried to block it out the more I thought about it. I knew deep down I was gay.

When I returned home I told Lottie exactly how I was feeling and she helped me come out by telling me it wasn't that different. After a couple of weeks I shared my first kiss with a girl but I completely freaked out and wouldn't talk to her for days. She was like a sister to me so we said we would leave it at that.

Suppressing feelings

I ended up getting a boyfriend called Andy, he was really sweet and a bit of a novice with relationships, but we got on well. I have to admit though, I only dated him because I was trying to block out my other feelings. I didn't fancy or love Lottie but I did fancy other girls around me.

After a month of constant arguing Andy and I split up but decided we could still be friends. Even now we are the best of friends. I started chatting to a girl I knew from primary school, Annie. She was cute, smiley and her personality was awesome. By chance she was a friend of Lottie's and Annie was also bi.

New love

After two days of phone calls and messenger we met up and the feelings I got when I was with her were amazing.

We chatted a bit and admitted we fancied one another. The next day we kissed and it was incredible. I never knew I could feel like that about anyone!

Dealing with heartbreak

A few weeks later Annie told me she loved Lottie and wanted to be with her before Lottie left to live abroad. I was devastated and completely heartbroken but stood back and let her get on with it.

Days passed where I was trying desperately not to phone her, but I couldn't get her off my mind. I ended up phoning Andy and we went for a drive to the woods. Things happened that I regretted. I told Annie and she flipped at me saying I hurt her feelings, even though she had just dumped me.

Advice

It ended after Lottie left to go abroad. We tried to be friends but I felt I needed to call her all the time. I know she was kinda using me but the thing is, I'm still in love with her. I hope soon I'll be able to get over it and find a girl who loves me back.

A bit of advice for anyone struggling to come to terms with their sexuality; don't be afraid of being gay or coming out. All my friends know I'm gay and they are fine about it. Just don't keep it in.