"My mum can't cope"

Angela, 16, has to look after her mum...

I love my mum, but sometimes I feel like she's the teenager and I'm her mum.

She just doesn't deal that well with the world.

It all started when I was 10. My mum always enjoyed having a drink or two at a party, but things started to go wrong between her and my dad and the drinking got way more serious.

Every time my mum and dad argued, dad would leave the house and mum would just drink.

When she was drunk, all responsibility was left to me. I was constantly having to clear up the house and look after my baby sister who was only five.

I was just a kid myself, only 10 when things got bad, and practically caring for my whole family aged 14.

Our family was ripped apart

Finally mum and dad split, but it wasn't all over.

“The divorce was hell”

The divorce was hell. Us kids wanted to stay with mum, but dad won custody after claiming her to be an alcoholic.

We moved in with dad, and although we tried to see mum every day and stayed at weekends, it wasn't enough. Without us she was a mess. Slowly she started to slide off the planet.

My mum moved into a flat with about six people in an area where most of the people were drug takers.

I hated it round there. On the few nights I was allowed to stay over, my mum would say she was going out for 10 minutes and not return until about 10 hours later.

I was terrified she was going to get drugs.

She was never home

Most of the time she wasn't in her house at all. She was always down the pub drinking. I can't count the number of times me and my brother had to go and find her and make her go home.

One night we were out for our first family meal together with dad's new girlfriend. Although I didn't like her, we accepted her.

Mum burst into the restaurant with her best mate and two blokes young enough to be her kids! She sat down at the next table and made a complete scene, and then she just passed out into oblivion.

In the end I took her home but what I saw devastated me!

Broken bottles everywhere and it stank of booze!

I put my drunken mum to bed and cleared up the house as much as I could.

“She passed out”

By the morning it was clean and my mum woke me up from the sofa. She couldn't remember everything that had happened.

"You really scared me, mum." I told her. "You were completely out of control and you can't carry on living like this, it's horrible."

I told her I was coming to stay and she cried in my arms.

Things were settling with dad and his new girlfriend, and I knew my brothers and sisters would be ok.

I gave her an ultimatum...

When I moved in with mum I told her, "I'm only staying if you keep off the drugs."

"I'm going to try, sweetheart," she said. "I'm going to try really hard."

She still drinks a bit, but she's coming off it slowly. We're trying to get a new place to live. I'm desperate to get mum away from those druggies, because I know how easily led she is.

I'm worried that if I leave her again, she'll just go back to her old ways, and maybe get even worse.

I'm stressed a lot. I worry about my mum and I'd be gutted if anyone at school knew what I was going though. But every day mum gets a bit better.

“I feel so trapped...”

I just hate to think what could have happened to her if I wasn't around.

To be honest with you, I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave her alone again. I feel so trapped.

I love my mum, but I need to have a life too.

I'm now in school and doing my A-Levels and hoping to lead a better life than the rest of my family have managed so far.

"I nearly drowned"

Lyndsee, 16, is terrified of water, and for good reason...

Most people love swimming in the sea.

I used to love it too. The ocean stretching out forever and that feeling of cool freedom.

Now it makes me shiver, and it's all because of something that happened to me on holiday last year.

My family usually don't get to go away much. Mum works really hard and my dad is often away so it's hard to find the time.

Then last year my mum announced that we were going to Cornwall for 3 weeks. Everyone was going, including my three sisters and my gran.

I couldn't wait.

We were all together and I was so happy

We stayed in this small flat near the sea. There was hardly room for us all but we didn't mind.

“It was our first proper holiday”

The first day was bright and sunny and we just couldn't wait to get down to the ocean.

There were some lads on the beach and really weirdly we knew one of them, Dan, from our home town!

He was a couple of years older than me and I'd always quite fancied him.

I couldn't wait to get in the ocean

I stripped off into my new bikini and I hoped Dan was watching as I ran out into the ocean.

The waves were huge but I'm a strong swimmer so I didn't think twice about swimming out.

"I'm going back in," my brother said, "I'm not as good at swimming as you," he told me.

I was gutted to see him go because we were having so much fun, but now I was alone with Dan so I didn't mind too much.

As Carl went back to the shore, we all decided to swim farther out into the ocean where the waves were amazing.

We tried to jump the powerful waves letting them throw us around and laughing.

“The tide turned”

Then the tide turned, literally...

All of a sudden I looked back and realised how far we were from the shore.

Then I felt a powerful surge around my legs which knocked me sideways.

When I got my balance back I was choking on salty water, I looked around for my friends but they were miles away.

I was terrified...

I couldn't understand what was happening.

I was far far out in the ocean trying to swim back to shore using all of what I had to give physically and mentally.

I realised I had to think fast. Before I knew it I was getting further and further and further away from shore and I was getting tired.

All of a sudden I got the most horrible feeling in my right foot and I couldn't swim anymore.

I blacked out, I think. And when I came too I was being dragged back to shore by Dan and his mates. They'd saved me.

“I was safe...”

Finally I got back to shore and I had to look at my foot. It was bleeding and all red and about four times its size. I was in excruciating pain.

No one has ever been able to explain what happened to my foot.

I also have not gone in an ocean since. I am pretty scared to set foot in another ocean ever again.

I know that I should never have gone out so far, and that I'm lucky to be alive.

I may swim in an ocean again one day, but I'll never feel that surge of freedom again.

To anyone reading this I would say, don't go in the ocean not knowing how to swim. Don't go in the ocean alone. Be aware of how high and powerful the waves are.

In The Dark: A real-life film

For Mum: A real-life film

"She Tried to Starve Herself"

Beth tried everything to make her friend eat...

“She thought she was fat, she wasn't”

My Best Friend Helen is Anorexic / Bulimic. It all started one day in half term when my friend Cat and Helen were discussing a diet they were starting.

At first I just sat there listening, but soon I'd had enough. 'Neither of you need to go on a diet you are just being stupid!' I told them straight. A big argument soon erupted that ended up with me storming off home and Helen chasing after me.

'Beth! Beth! Look don't be upset, it's just I do think I'm fat but...' Helen had hit a raw nerve, 'Helen, You're Not Bloody Fat! There's nothing to you!' I yelled.

'If you are anorexic or bulimic I want you to tell me right now! If not then you must promise me that you never will be. So, are you?' Helen just looked at me. I was devastated, because her silence meant she was.

She told me her daily food plan...

After the big bust up we didn't talk for a while. But I couldn't let my friend starve herselve to death. I knew I had to swallow my pride and talk to her.

Helen and I had many discussions about her problems, I thought that talking would help her. But then one day she told me her daily food plan. Which goes as follows:

Breakfast: Nothing

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: Some

But the thing was the 'some' food she had for dinner she later 'got rid of'. Basically she would leave the table, go upstairs and puke it out.

So basically her entire intake of food each day was about enough to keep a hamster alive, if that.

I soon figured out that her mad eating plans weren't just about losing weight. Helen believed she was partly to blame for her parents recent divorce, and she didn't like her mum's new Boyfriend. The bulimia was a cry for help and attention.

I told her she was stupid. I told her she was beautiful, that she was thin. Too thin. She didn't listen. I cried most nights because I couldn't make her better.

She passed out

“I'd heard about people dying from anorexia”

One day in our summer holidays we'd all been sitting on the field. But I'd gone in for my dinner. I couldn't face watching Helen pick at her food, going on about how fat she was.

Minutes later Em came running up to me 'Beth, don't get angry, but last Tuesday Helen fainted on the school field and she's just done it again.'

I rushed over to her. She was lying on the grass, she looked so small, so thin. 'This is stupid,' I screamed at everyone. 'I'm taking her to my mum, this can't go on,' I said.

Mum was great, but even I could see she was shocked by the state of Helen.

She sat her down and just made her eat magic stars, a banana, and a glass of water. She watched her eat the whole lot, and then she stayed with her so she couldn't puke it up.

'You really really scared me,' I told Helen. 'This isn't funny anymore, please will you try and get better?' I asked her.

Helen knew that she had to change...

She promised me that she would try really hard to get better. 'I know that this isn't the right way to live,' she told me. 'I will try. Our friendship is too important to me.'

I knew that she meant it, but I also knew what a strong grip the illness had on her and it wasn't going to be an easy journey back to normality for any of us.

Helen started seeing the school counsellor, but she was still really thin. And I got really suspicious that she might still be puking secretly.

It was like, every time she went to the loo I was suspecting her. That's not a great way to be.

She needed someone looking out for her the whole time, but her mum was hardly ever home and there was no-one making sure that she was eating right at home.

It was a cry for help...

“You have to count your blessings”

We finally convinced her to tell her Nan, who has been making her eat, but keeping it down is a different story.

She's just so devious and will tell any lie to make us think she's eating normally.

Even though I love my friend her behaviour can be quite annoying. I have to spend so much of my life worrying about her, and I just get loads of abuse in return. She still needs medical help, and I will get her it.

All she really wants is for her mum too notice, but she's to wrapped up in her love life! So if you're reading this Mrs Lewis, buck up your ideas and notice your daughter's cry for help!

"My dad died"

An anonymous Slink reader tells her story...

Life was going great! I had an amazing family, great friends, and I went to a good school.

I could never imagine that what happened in the year to come would be so terrifying.

I woke up one morning and the house was deathly quiet, even though it was a school day. I thought that I'd overslept so I rushed downstairs to see what was going on.

That was when I saw my mum and dad sat on the sofa looking at each other. mum told me to go and get my sister. When we sat down together on the couch, my dad started to cry.

The news was bad...

"I've got lung cancer" he said.

At first I didn't really understand what was going on but after having it explained to me, I started crying too.

There was a possibility that my dad could die. But I didn't think that would happen to us, dad was always so strong!

I just couldn't get my head round it. One of the hardest things was telling my best friend.

I burst into tears in her bedroom and couldn't stop crying for hours. Somehow, telling somebody else made it seem so much more real.

My dad went through chemotherapy and was very ill over it. I missed a lot of time off school, sometimes weeks at a time. My mum was in bits and I had to look after her.

“He was so weak”

After around 5 months, my dad had lost his hair. It was strange to see somebody so close to me this weak.

He started to have these fits. His left arm would uncontrollably spasm and the left side of his body would go weak.

One time we were all staying at my uncle's house and my dad had a fit in the bathroom. Luckily I didn't see it.

About two weeks later, my dad had another fit in front of me and my other sister. It was awful.

We were thrown out of the room by my mum and had to ring my other sister from upstairs and tell her not to go into the living room until dad was ok.

After a few months of radiotherapy, my mum and dad were called to the hospital to see the consultant.

Had the treatment worked?...

My sisters and I waited nervously at home. This was to see whether or not the radiotherapy was working or not.

After waiting for what seemed to be forever, the car pulled up the drive. They walked through the door and my dad started to cry. I knew that this couldn't be good news.

We found out that he had been immune to the radiotherapy and so the cancer had developed. He had been given a terrible choice. Either he could live for 2 months without any more chemotherapy, or live for 5 more months and have intensive chemotherapy.

Between us we decided not to take the chemotherapy because we didn't want him to be ill in the last few months of his life.

In the next few months of his life, we did everything together: going to football matches (Manchester United of course) to Alton towers (we went on every ride and we got to go in through the exits because my dad was "Disabled")

5 months had passed, a lot longer than he was expected to live, and my dad started to become really ill.

It was the end of April and my mum told me that my dad was going to stay at a hospice for a week or two and then he would be coming back home.

After about 3 days, we went to see him. He looked so weak. The day after, my mum told us that the doctors thought that this was his last day to live and that we had to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye to my dad knowing that it would be forever was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He wasn't awake when I was speaking to him. We had been told that he could hear what we were saying but couldn't respond.

The day after, I was at my nan's house with some of my family and my mum and sister were together somewhere else. I was waiting in my nan's living room when my uncle got a phone call. I knew that it would be about dad.

I was so confused...

I burst into tears. We got in the car and raced to the hospice, thinking my mum and sister were there.

My auntie was holding me tightly in the car, reminding me that she had hold of me and would never let me go.

We got to the hospice and my family were nowhere to be seen. Then we went back to my nan's house. They weren't there.

“He was so brave...”

Then, finally, we went back to my house. Stood in the doorway was my mum, arms wide open.

"dad's gone," she said. I ran into her arms and we both sobbed.

I was in such a mess! Then we had to face the funeral. My mum ran up to the coffin crying. It was so hard to see my mum like that. But we stood by each other and stayed strong.

The funeral was awful...

Everyone was there for him, and hearing them singing somehow made me stronger.

“Life is getting back on track...”

5th of May 2002 changed my life. I miss my dad so much but I know that good things always come from bad.

I still have my friends and family and life is getting back on track. I miss my dad so much but little things keep cropping up, just proving that he is watching over me.

He had told me that he would do and that he would be in my heart all the time. And he is. Always there. Everywhere. In everything I do.

He will always be with me.

I love you dad xxxx

"My friend is bisexual"

Teri's best friend had a secret...

I'd always been quite quiet, but in year 9 things started to change for me. I made loads of new friends outside my tutor group and really opened up.

I was just having a great time, getting up to all sorts and kind of going crazy.

Around that time I made friends with a girl called Ruby. We really hit it off and quickly became best friends.

We felt like we could tell each other everything. It was amazing, having someone that really understood everything I was going through at that time.

But Ruby had a secret...

I was so happy, but I started to feel like my other friends were keeping something from me. A secret that had something to do with Ruby.

“Something was going on”

People would say stuff that I didn't understand or give me and Ruby strange looks when we were out.

"So you and Ruby are getting on well - what's happening there then?" one guy asked when we were out at the park. I didn't have a clue what he was on about.

Whenever someone said stuff like that, Ruby would act really funny. She'd go bright red and tell me not to listen.

I didn't think much of it to be honest.

She got too close...

Me and Ruby had English together and would always sit next to each other. I thought it was cool because we were such good mates.

Sometimes she would sit really really close to me. It was too close, and although I didn't want to hurt her feelings, I found myself shrinking away from her.

This could make her angry. "Why you moving? Have I done something wrong?" She'd ask. Once or twice she'd touch my leg. "Don't be angry," she'd whisper.

I was starting to feel quite uncomfortable around my friend. And I just really wanted to know what was going on.

I decided to go and ask one of my friends about it. "Is anything wrong with Ruby?" I asked.

“I confronted her...”

But they wouldn't tell me. "You'll have to ask her," they said, and moved away.

The next day I built up all my courage and asked her why she was being like this to me.

She went really quiet and red for about 5 minutes while she tried to change the subject. I kept on at her. "What is it?" I said, getting quite angry.

Finally she looked me straight in the face and said, "I'm bisexual and I fancy you'.

I was totally shocked. I don't know why, but I just laughed. It was just so weird.

Ruby looked gutted and ran off. But I didn't run after her. I just didn't know what to say.

I felt so mean...

I felt awful. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on her face and thinking about how much courage it must have taken for her to tell me how she felt.

I knew I didn't want to get involved with Ruby in that way, but I didn't want to lose her as a friend either.

The next day I tracked her down behind the science block.

Everyone had been teasing me about it all day, so I could only imagine what they'd been saying to Ruby.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I said. Then I explained exactly how I felt. "We're such good friends," I said gently, "But I don't think about you in that way, I'm straight."

“She looked like she might cry...”

"I know," she said sadly. "I think you're amazing, but I know you're not into me in the same way." She looked like she might cry.

"Have you heard what people are saying about us?" she asked. I wouldn't mind if you didn't want to hang out with me."

"Don't be daft," I said, giving her a hug. "You're still my friend!"

We're closer than ever now. And Ruby is actually seeing a guy at the moment.

I've learnt that people have totally different and surprising sides to them, and you should never listen to what idiots at school say. We should love our friends for who they are!

Teri's best friend had a secret...

I'd always been quite quiet, but in year 9 things started to change for me. I made loads of new friends outside my tutor group and really opened up.

I was just having a great time, getting up to all sorts and kind of going crazy.

Around that time I made friends with a girl called Ruby. We really hit it off and quickly became best friends.

We felt like we could tell each other everything. It was amazing, having someone that really understood everything I was going through at that time.

But Ruby had a secret...

I was so happy, but I started to feel like my other friends were keeping something from me. A secret that had something to do with Ruby.

“Something was going on”

People would say stuff that I didn't understand or give me and Ruby strange looks when we were out.

"So you and Ruby are getting on well - what's happening there then?" one guy asked when we were out at the park. I didn't have a clue what he was on about.

Whenever someone said stuff like that, Ruby would act really funny. She'd go bright red and tell me not to listen.

I didn't think much of it to be honest.

She got too close...

Me and Ruby had English together and would always sit next to each other. I thought it was cool because we were such good mates.

Sometimes she would sit really really close to me. It was too close, and although I didn't want to hurt her feelings, I found myself shrinking away from her.

This could make her angry. "Why you moving? Have I done something wrong?" She'd ask. Once or twice she'd touch my leg. "Don't be angry," she'd whisper.

I was starting to feel quite uncomfortable around my friend. And I just really wanted to know what was going on.

I decided to go and ask one of my friends about it. "Is anything wrong with Ruby?" I asked.

“I confronted her...”

But they wouldn't tell me. "You'll have to ask her," they said, and moved away.

The next day I built up all my courage and asked her why she was being like this to me.

She went really quiet and red for about 5 minutes while she tried to change the subject. I kept on at her. "What is it?" I said, getting quite angry.

Finally she looked me straight in the face and said, "I'm bisexual and I fancy you'.

I was totally shocked. I don't know why, but I just laughed. It was just so weird.

Ruby looked gutted and ran off. But I didn't run after her. I just didn't know what to say.

I felt so mean...

I felt awful. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on her face and thinking about how much courage it must have taken for her to tell me how she felt.

I knew I didn't want to get involved with Ruby in that way, but I didn't want to lose her as a friend either.

The next day I tracked her down behind the science block.

Everyone had been teasing me about it all day, so I could only imagine what they'd been saying to Ruby.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I said. Then I explained exactly how I felt. "We're such good friends," I said gently, "But I don't think about you in that way, I'm straight."

“She looked like she might cry...”

"I know," she said sadly. "I think you're amazing, but I know you're not into me in the same way." She looked like she might cry.

"Have you heard what people are saying about us?" she asked. I wouldn't mind if you didn't want to hang out with me."

"Don't be daft," I said, giving her a hug. "You're still my friend!"

We're closer than ever now. And Ruby is actually seeing a guy at the moment.

I've learnt that people have totally different and surprising sides to them, and you should never listen to what idiots at school say. We should love our friends for who they are!

"My best friend died..."

Hannah's best friend died of cancer. This is her tragic story...

Karen and me met at nursery school and became best friends straight away. I liked her curly blonde hair and the way she could make anything funny. She didn't care what people thought of her, she was just like me.

“ I thought we would be friends for life... ”

We went through everything together. First kisses, first boyfriends, first break-ups. She was one of the most popular girls in school and I was quite shy, but we told each other everything and I knew we would be friends for life.

Then one day when we were in year 10, Karen found a lump in her leg. She showed it to me, it was small and hard, near her ankle.

We did everything together...

She didn't think much about it, but her parents took her to the doctor and they told her that the lump was cancer. It was the biggest shock to every one because she was such a sporty tom-boyish girl and we'd never thought of her ever getting the disease.

She had an operation to remove the lump almost immediately. I went to visit her in the hospital afterwards. I don't think either of us had really taken in how serious it was at that point.

We thought it was over. Karen felt recovered from the operation quickly and life went on as usual. Then, a few months later, the cancer came back.

he cancer was back, and this time it had spread through her body and Karen would have to have chemotherapy to ensure that it was all removed.

I felt numb

It was such a hard time for all of us, especially her, each session of chemotherapy left her weaker, paler and thinner than the last. She had more operations, had her arm in a sling, then she was on crutches, then walking with a limp. It was one thing after the next. I wondered if she would ever get well.

She was in hospital all the time, and only awake some of the time. I felt bad if I was there one of the lucky times she was awake as it meant that her mum and dad missed out. But I think they knew that by being there I was helping Karen feel normal, like a normal teenager.

“ I can't really believe she's gone... ”

I was on the bus when I got a call to say that my beautiful, laughing friend Karen had died. I felt numb. I couldn't even cry I just staggered off the bus and walked home to my mum.

Even now I can't really believe she's gone. It's like she got off the train too early or something. We're all growing up, getting boyfriends and worrying about what to wear to prom, but Karen is frozen in the past.

All I can do is think about the happy times we shared together. In my head Karen is smiling and shaking her blonde hair in the sunshine. That's how I will always remember her.

"They call me The Robot"

Sarah's pacemaker has earned her a cruel nickname. Read her tragic and inspiring story...

They searched all my bags and then frisked me. When they touched my scars I yelled. It hurt like hell.

I told them about my operation and they said that it was probably my pacemaker that set the alarms off. They let me go and I went into another shop, came out of it, the same happened again, the alarms went off.

I got so embarrassed I just shouted "I have a pacemaker!" They let me go but I was mortified, I thought I would never be able to go anywhere without setting off alarms.

My scars got infected

I went back to hospital a few days later and they found something wrong: my wounds were infected.

So I stayed in the hospital for 9 days going through 12 drips worth of medicine (That hurt so much that I had to have gas to make it stop).

That was last week, the doctors have tried everything, but the scars are still infected and they still hurt a lot.

I've been told I might have to have another operation to clean the wound out because if the infection got into my pacemaker it could be fatal. Then I'd have to stay in the hospital until the wound healed, which could take MONTHS.

I try to look on the bright side!...

“You have to count your blessings”

It's all a bit of a mess. But one good thing has happened. I've been given a card to show in shops when I set off the alarm, it proves that I have a pacemaker and that I'm not a criminal.

My scars might be sore and I might still get called "Robot" but at least I won't get sent to prison for a crime I haven't committed. You have to look on the bright side! I take each day as it comes and am just glad I'm alive and that I've got such a loving family.

I'm at home now, just waiting for the results of the latest tests. I really really hope I'm not going back to hospital...

On Ice: A real-life film

"Raped by my brother"

Joanne loved having an older brother - until he started forcing her to have sex with him...

“He followed me in and locked the door”

I was only ten when my mum and dad broke up. It left me feeling all messed up inside. It was really hard on my mum, especially when he started dating my aunty. After that the whole of our family fell to pieces and my mum struggled to cope. Money was tight and we ended up in bad debt - everything was such a mess.

But my mum's a real fighter and she managed to find a job and get back on her feet after a while. At work she met Tim, he was a really nice guy and helped us a lot. They fell in love and it was so nice to see mum happy again.

Happy New Family?

I was traumatised and petrified

When I was 10 we moved in with Tim and his 15-year-old son, Gavin. I loved having an older brother. Me and Gavin got on great we spent hours together climbing, skating, or grubbing around looking for frogs and toads.

One afternoon when I was 13 Gavin came running over and told me he'd found an injured bird in the garden that we should help. We both dashed over to where he said it was, but there was nothing there. I was confused, but before I could ask him why he lied he pushed me into the shed. He followed me in and locked the door.

How it Started

“I remember screaming, but no one heard”

At first I just thought he was playing around, but he grabbed me and started ripping my clothes off, kissing and touching me. It was horrible, I remember screaming, but no one heard. I tried really hard to stop him, but when I fought back he slapped and pushed me. Afterwards he threatened me and told me not to tell anyone. I was so scared and confused that I did what he said.

I tried not to be alone with Gavin after that, but sometimes mum and Tim would go out and then it would happen again. Sometimes he didn't do anything, but usually he did. I became more and more traumatised and petrified each time.

“I was full of anger and became violent”

After a couple of months, my behaviour changed. I was full of anger and became violent and had to go to counselling. In the end mum sat me down tried to get me to explain why I was acting that way... I'd had enough, I blurted everything out - even though Gavin was right there.

My mum was horrified and so was Tim. Gavin told them I was making it all up, so it was confusing for them. Especially Tim - who would want to believe their son was a rapist?

But the Ordeal Didn't End...

It was really creepy

I thought it would all be over now and I could go back to being a normal teenaged girl again, but Gavin hadn't finished with me yet. He came into my room and started talking to me softly and stroking my hair, it was really creepy.

He told me he was going to prison. He said, "This is going to be the last time you see me? Are you happy?" And then he raped me again. I didn't scream, I was so used to it. It seemed almost normal and routine.

Happiness at Last

When mum and Tim realised that both me and Gavin weren't around they rushed to find me. Tim burst into my room and saw what was going on. Gavin couldn't deny it now.

“I thought it would all be over... But Gavin hadn't finished with me”

Finally, after two years of abusing me, Gavin got what he deserved and was sentenced to three years in jail.

Tim doesn't speak to Gavin now because of what he did and the lies he told, and I don't think he ever will again. Since Gavin left I don't feel like being violent anymore and we all get on well together as a family.

I'm so glad I told mum about what Gavin was doing to me - no one should ever keep something like that to themselves. I'm happy now and I feel like I've got a good future ahead of me. I try to look forward, not back.

"I was attacked"

A night out ended in violence for Cathy...

I don't think I've ever been as scared as I was the night me and my friend Lauren got mugged.

“I have to admit we were a bit tipsy...”

It was a Saturday night, and it started completely normally. We'd been to my sister's flat and we were just walking home to Lauren's house, only about 10 minutes away.

I have to admit we were tipsy. We got on and off a couple of buses as we had day riders and you can go anywhere on them. We bumped into a couple of mates and pissed about on the bus. We had a laugh.

Then me and my mate got off the bus and we found an abandoned trolley, so I said to my mate to get in it and I'd push her around.

We were laughing so much we hardly noticed where we were. Then I looked up and we were by this dark car park.

There was no-one around and it was really dark

I should have known then that it was dodgy, but it was on the way to my mate's dad's house, about two minutes away, and I was supposed to be staying round there anyway. My mate and me were screaming and laughing so hard we never saw the first boy come up to us.

He asked for the trolley straight up. We said "No, but we'll give you a ride if you like." There was something a bit weird about him, but I thought there was no harm in it.

We'd started to sober up by then and I just wanted to go home. We pushed him in the trolley for a bit, then these two girls came over.

They were riding BMX's and drinking cider. One of them was giving me the evilest look ever. A chill ran up my spine.

She asked the boy, "Who are these slags?" Lauren thought she looked like someone we knew and she was like "Hi, do we know you?" but she wasn't trying it on.

The girl replied, "Oh shut up." She then asked us to hold out our hands in front of her.

I tried to leave but it all went wrong

I knew that this was gonna turn into an argument or fight so I said to Lauren I needed the toilet. "Let's go," I said.

“She grabbed Lauren by the hair”

We were about to walk off when the girl grabbed my mate's hair and then asked me what I was gonna do now that she had my mate.

I went to walk off again thinking she would let her go.

I was about two feet in front of her when she grabbed my hair and pulled me back. I could hear my hair rip as she grabbed it. She then pulled me and my mate's heads to about this girl's knees so we couldn't do anything.

In my head I thought this really wasn't happening to us. I was really scared. Our area is quite rough, but nothing like this had ever happened to me before.

I was terrified.

The main girl told us to give her our rings. I just wanted her to let go of my hair so I did straight away. But Lauren really didn't want to.

“She punched Lauren really hard”

"If you don't give me that ring I'm going to smash your friend's face on that wall," she told Lauren. "Just give it her!" I begged. I couldn't believe that was my voice saying that, I'm normally a really strong person.

So Lauren handed her the ring. The girl let us stand up. Lauren was crying by now and I reached for her hand. But right then the boy came over and ripped my big gold earrings right out of my ears. It killed. And they had cost me £50, I'd saved up for them for ages and now he had just taken them.

The girl then hit Lauren in the stomach, she cried out in pain and I looked over to see my mate lying on the floor clutching her tummy.

We were left shocked, bleeding and in tears

The girl just looked at her with this really horrible look, and then she turned and she and the boy went off.

I pulled Lauren to her feet. She was covered in dirt and my ears were bleeding, we must have looked a right state.

We hugged and then both ran into a nearby bowling alley and called the police.

I was hysterical and so was my mate. I was punching everything and wanted to just die. I hated myself for not fighting back.

The police came and so did an ambulance because we were both shaking and crying and I think we were in shock.

“We were in shock”

We had to go to hospital to get checked over and it was only then that I started to take in what had actually happened. Even now I can hardly believe it. She could have had a knife or anything.

I was angry at myself for not fighting back, but that would have made me just as bad as her so I'm glad I didn't.

When you're actually in that situation you don't know what you'd do.

"They were done by the courts...

All three of our attackers ended up paying for what they did to us. Although I sometimes think no punishment could be as bad as how I felt that night.

“The girl got sent down for a year and a half”

The girl was caught and sent down for a year and half, but is only doing half of that. So she'll be out in the beginning of December.

The boy got 12 months community service and the other girl got nothing as she didn't actually do anything.

I'm ok now, but I still get a bit freaked out going out late at night. When I think back to me and Lauren messing about on the buses it seems like a lifetime ago.

Living with Abuse

16 year old Jenni was abused by her step-dad. This is her heart-breaking story...

Luckily a friend's big sister noticed the cuts on my arm one day at school. She took me off to give me a good talking to, telling me that cutting myself was just stupid.

“ What John was doing was evil, and unfair... ”

As I was talking to her I broke down and told her everything. She was really shocked, but she handled it really well.

She told me that I had to tell my mum about John because what he was doing was evil and unfair.

I was terrified. I didn't think mum would want to hear. But I went home, waited until I was sure John wasn't in, and I told her everything.

"I told her everything..."

She started to cry, and held me really tightly. I think she was in shock or something.

Then she went mental. John came home and she started shouting at him and throwing things. I hid upstairs.

He was shouting back at her and then I heard a crack and a scream, John had hit my mum.

“ I heard a crack and a scream, John had hit my mum... ”

She came running upstairs and yelled at me and my brothers to pack. She had a cut over her eye and she was white as a ghost. We took what we could and then we legged it.

We had to stay in a hostel for a while. Mum made me tell the police all about what John had did. To be honest I don't know what's going to happen about it cos we never talk about him now unless we have to.

All I would say to girls out there is that if a man touches you and it makes you feel uncomfortable you should tell someone. It's not your fault what is happening so don't be scared and speak out.

"I think I'm a drug addict"

Amy, 16, thinks she might be addicted to drugs.

I first tried drugs about 6 months ago, and now I can't stop.

The first time it happened I was at this bar that me and my friends normally go to. This lad had a bottle of poppers and offered me some.

Even though poppers are pretty tame, they gave me a real buzz, which I liked.

A few weeks later I went back to the same bar with my best friend and ended up hanging around with the same lads.

They were a good laugh and to be honest I was hoping that they might offer us poppers again.

They had something different in mind

But there was something different on the menu. They were taking pills.

“At first nothing happened”

I'd never tried pills before, but they said it was a special offer, "The first pill's always free," this lad told me. "You'll enjoy it, I promise," he said. "It's like the poppers but a bit stronger."

So I said yes and took two. They were tiny and white, they looked so harmless.

At first nothing happened, then the night completely changed.

I felt totally weird. My body was shivering, and I felt like I had vertigo. I couldn't stop dancing and laughing. Which was quite frightening, 'cos I literally couldn't control myself at all.

The night went on forever

The lad that gave me the drugs started kissing and touching me. It felt amazing, really intense and weird.

But I got scared because I knew it was just the pills talking so I backed off and went to find my friend.

I started to feel really sick, and I just wanted to get out of there.

I was getting really paranoid and at one point I wanted to beat up one of my close friends because I thought she kept looking at me funny (she wasn't looking at me at all.)

I made it home and was really sick. I promised I'd never ever do it again, but I did.

“Never again... until the next time”

After the first time I started to forget about all the bad stuff that happened, and just remembered how good the rush felt.

I remembered how perfect my body felt and how it was like I was going to dance all night without getting tired.

I couldn't wait to do it all again.

That's the problem. You see the thing about me is that, even though I know people who sometimes take drugs, I do it way worse than anyone else.

I've lost control...

I always want more. I always want to take drugs. If someone offers me a pill I never turn it down. If we go out, I can't have a good time if I'm not pilling.

I don't take drugs on purpose. It started as just a thrill. Now I can't shake it off.

I don't hang out with the same group of girls anymore, because they're not as into the pills so they can't keep up with me.

They are worried about me, and have told me to stop, but now I'm in this new group and there's always plenty of pills to go round. It feels normal.

“Drugs feel normal now...”

I've got used to staying up all night, but I can hardly keep awake at school.

I don't really care though, because if I ever feel low about it, I know I can just go out. It's only now I've just typed that, that I can see how far things have gone.

I want to stop...

I do. I want to stop because my uncle was a drug addict. He killed himself as he owed so many drug dealers money. He left his two children fatherless.

I hope that I can change as I do not want to die, get ill or lose out on any of my mates because I'm too drugged up.

I would strongly recommend anyone who is wanting or getting pressurised into taking drugs to say no. You don't know how you will react against them and you can lose the people that care for you.

"Dad had sex with my best friend"

Maxine knew her dad and best friend were close, but she never suspected what was really going on between them...

Clare was always hanging out at my house. She didn't get on with her own parents, but got on really well with mine - so much so, she came round even when I wasn't in. She and Dad had always been especially close. They were both big football fans and supporters of our local team. Being more of a girly girl, I used to go shopping with my Mum while they went off matches together.

I never suspected a thing

“They stayed overnight in hotels”

If the team won they'd go out afterwards to celebrate, and usually stayed out late. And when they went to away games they sometimes stayed over in hotels. When I look back at it all now I can't see how I missed what was going on. I was just too innocent I suppose.

Mum and Dad had been having problems for a while. I often walked in on them rowing. Mum thought he had another woman - he'd been unfaithful before after all. But neither of us suspected it was my 14-year-old best friend.

I sneaked my boyf home for a pash

I was out one day, with my boyfriend, Danny, and, as Mum was away and Dad was out at work, we decided to go back to mine. When we got there I thought it was a bit strange that the front door was unlocked, but everything seemed normal in the house, so I shrugged it off and decided I must've forgotten to lock it earlier.

Up in my room, things were hotting up between Danny and me, until I heard the floorboards creaking in my parents' room...

I found them in the bedroom together

As we crept across the landing, I was terrified there was a burglar - but what I saw shocked me even more...

“I saw condoms on the floor!”

Clare, my so called best mate, was standing half dressed while my Dad was running around the room trying to disguise what they'd been up. He was wasting his time - the evidence was strewn everywhere. There were candles all over the place, and tissues and condoms on the floor.

I was so stunned I stupidly asked what they were doing. I simply couldn't believe what was right before my eyes!

Clare started crying and my Dad walked over and tried to put his arms around me. I didn't want him near me though, and I shouted at him to leave me alone. Danny tried to calm me down but I was hysterical and ran from the house in tears.

Mum didn't believe me

I couldn't go home, or even think straight, so I rang Mum on her mobile and told her what had happened.

I was devastated when she didn't believe me. But I realised after that her reaction was not so different to mine. When I spoke to her later she realised I was telling the truth.

How could they do it?

“People think Dad's a pervert now”

Dad knew we would never forgive him this time, and so he moved out soon afterwards.

As for Clare, I've never spoken to her since. I couldn't believe she would jeopardise our friendship and ruin Mum and Dad's marriage - people think he's a pervert now.

Danny was always there for me

One good thing did come of this though, and that is that me and Danny have become really close. He's been amazing and was there for me throughout the whole heart-breaking mess. We're so in love and I know I can trust him not to betray me. We're moving in together after I leave school this year and I can't wait.

"My school is like a warzone"

American student Holly emailed us to decribe what it's like to study in fear...

The worst things about school are usually annoying teachers, difficult lessons and getting piles of homework each night.

Not for me. My school is like a living hell.

We have a lot of discipline problems. A lot of violence, some 'bad kids' who cause trouble in school and in the neighbourhood.

Not so different to other schools you might think. But it's worse than that.

We have kids that smoke drugs in the bathroom, and there are boys that try to set fires in school trashcans. And just recently, it's got a lot worse.

In the past year my school has had four bomb threats and two gun threats.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it home

Recently something happened that forced me to realise how bad the situation at my school has become.

Everyone was having a good time in the lunch room, just talking and eating, and flirting with all the cute guys.

Then, our Principal walked into the room, and he looked as if he had seen a ghost or something. His face was really pale and his eyes were watery. It just wasn't normal for him.

He walked up to the front of the dinner hall and one of the other teachers that has lunch duty shut the lights off. Everyone was silent as the Principal told us what was happening.

He said that there had been another bomb threat. The police were being called and that we were going to be sent home early.

Even the teachers were scared

Everyone was to remain in their seats and if we were going to talk it had to be in whispered tones.

We didn't know what was going on, it was really scary.

We were eventually sent home around 1pm and everyone I knew came to my house to watch TV and to try to make sense of what was going on.

“No one knew what was going on”

Finally, we found out what had happened.

We found out that in the girls bathroom someone had written in red lipstick, "The bomb will go off at 2:15. This is not a joke."

Another girl had seen the message and went and told a teacher right away.

It sounds almost stupid now, but it had terrified all of us and caused the school to be closed for a day.

The police were brought in and searched the entire school.

They found a note that said the bomb was a joke, but the school stayed closed for the rest of the day, just in case.

We went back to school the next day. The police said it had been a hoax, and that no one was going to hurt anyone.

But there were still police patroling the school grounds and everyone felt on edge.

Someone was just playing a sick joke

There was no bomb, of course. The police have told us it was likely someone just wanted a little attention.

It has still made me and all my friends afraid to go to school, although some of the bad behaviour has stopped since the police have been around.

“Images on the news make me so sad...”

When I see things like the Virginia Tech shooting on the news, I can't help but worry that something like that could happen at my school.

My parents have tried to talk some sense into me, telling me that the police would not have given us the OK to go to school if anything was really dangerous.

I suppose they're right.

It feels so wrong that we can't feel safe in our schools.

I can only hope that people will try and keep our school safe and make it a better place to study.

School shouldn't even be THOUGHT about as a place of danger. But for me, that's how it sometimes feels.

"I slept with my friend's husband"

Flirtation turned to deception for Anita...

I grew up more sheltered than you could possibly imagine.

Dad said he was only trying to protect me, but maybe if I'd been allowed to go out and learn a little more about the world I wouldn't have ended up getting so badly hurt.

My Dad was always very strict. Mum was more understanding, but he was the boss. Arguments became a regular thing in our house. They started over all kinds of issues, but they usually ended the same way - with violence from Dad.

Things got worse and it began to affect my health, I had migraines and bad mood swings. By the time I was 16, I couldn't take any more. So I decided to run away. I knew things couldn't get worse for me, but I worried how it would affect my Mum. She had always been so loving and supportive.

I'd made my plan, but I needed to talk to someone

A young Indian couple, Leena and Jay, had moved into our street and Ravi had made friends with them. Leena seemed nice so, thinking she might understand, I decided to talk to her.

When I went over to their house, only Leena was home. She was so friendly and easy to talk to, I spilled everything out and told her I was planning to run away.

I was surprised when she said she'd ran away from similar problems at home when she was 17. I felt much better knowing someone understood and cared. She said she'd give me any help I needed.

The next day she texted, asking over to her house that night to talk some more. Jay was there too this time. He seemed really sweet. He said he was worried about what'd happen if I just fled with nowhere to go, that it'd be dangerous.

"Come and stay at our house for a few days and get your head straight", he said. "No one has to know where you are."

I thought he was right...

He said I might feel better after some time away and my Dad might be shook up enough about me going missing to change. I thought it was worth a try and sneaked over there the next day.

“They were both so kind”

Jay was so kind to me while I was there. Leena was always busy with her son, so we spent a lot time together, talking through my problems and sometimes just having a laugh.

At 27, Jay was nearly ten years my senior, but we really clicked and it never seemed like he was older.

Three days later I returned home. My family had been worried and, for a while, things did get a bit better. I still saw a lot of Jay, he came out with me and Ravi and would usually offer to pay. I felt bad, but he said he didn't mind.

We became really close and my feelings for him grew deeper. I'd never met such a caring man, and he always made me laugh no matter how low I felt. We started sending cheeky texts and flirting. I thought nothing much of it though, because he was married to Leena.

One night Ravi and me had been over to Jay and Leena's place, just to watch TV.

We were having a real laugh and stayed for ages, til after 11pm. As soon as we got back home, Dad started shouting. Then he started blaming Mum.

He whacked her across the face and I ran outside crying. Jay saw me and, when I told him what happened, he rang the cops. Dad got arrested and we were about to be sent to a refuge, but Jay said we should stay at his house.

I knew he was doing it for me. I thanked God that night for sending him to help me. I thought he was my angel.

We stayed with Jay for three days.

We went home in the end, but by then I'd become really attached to Jay and I missed him. Then, one night, at 1am, he texted, asking me to come over as Leena was asleep.

I knew it was wrong, but my feelings for Jay were so strong, and he'd done so much for me, that I couldn't refuse him. I met him the garden and we made love right there.

It felt so romantic. I forgot all my problems and the next day I couldn't stop smiling.

“I was all smiles”

I felt guilty about Leena. But, knowing Jay was cheating on her just for me made me feel special and wanted in a way I never had before. I met Jay after midnight every night after that.

I was in the bath when I got a text from Leena that sounded scary, "Come over now - if you don't I'll come to you". I dashed over to her house.

She'd seen us together. She said I should keep away from Jay for my own good because he was only using me. She also told me she was pregnant. I was completely devastated. But it got worse...

She told me he'd done it loads of times before with other girls. All young, just like me. "Don't think you're special," Leena spat.

Then, Jay walked in and saw us.

Everything went wrong all at the same time.

Jay walked towards me and, rather than smiling and hugging me, he flipped out.

He went completely psycho, shouting at me "Get off my property or I'll call the cops!" I wanted to talk it through, but Jay shoved me out of the door and slammed it behind me.

I couldn't believe it, I'd never seem him like that before. It hurt so much I really thought I would die.

I couldn't eat, sleep, and could hardly talk for weeks. My brother told me Jay had told Leena I'd seduced him, and that he never wanted to betray her. But it seemed the other way around to me.

I thought he was someone who cared for me and wanted to save me from my unhappy life.

Now I realise the only person who can do that is myself.

Web dating messed up my mum

When Jo's Mum got into online dating, she was pleased to see her having fun. Until it started taking over her life...

At first when my dad left us, my mum used to cry every day. We all missed him and it was so sad to see mum's heart breaking. She didn't eat much and lost a lot of weight. And she spent the evenings sitting on her own in her bedroom while me and my older sister, Kelly, were downstairs watching television.

Her sparkle came back

This went on for about six months. But then, in the space of just a few weeks, she seemed to snap out of it and went back to her old, bubbly self again.

She still spent a lot of time upstairs at night though. Me and Kelly thought, in time, that would pass too. But the weeks went by and she still spent every night in her bedroom.

“She wouldn't tell us where she was going”

Then she started dressing up sometimes and going out. When we asked her where she was going, she'd say, "just out."

We thought she was probably going into town with friends. It wasn't something she'd ever done before, but the old playful glint had returned to her eye, so we were just glad to see her looking happy again.

When her nights out started happening several nights a week, me and Kelly thought she must have a boyfriend. We decided to talk to her about it.

Really, we just wanted to let her know that we understood she had to move on with her life now, and, if she wanted to bring a man home to meet us, we'd be OK with it.

She asked us which man we wanted to meet first

I made mum a cup of tea and Kelly told her. But her response really surprised us.

"Which one would you like to meet first then?", she laughed.

"What, you mean you've got more than one boyfriend?", I said.

"Well, kind of, I've been doing online dating and I'm quite a popular girl." she told us proudly.

It turned out that all those nights me and Kelly had been sitting downstairs alone, thinking Mum had cooped herself up in her room because she was feeling low, she'd actually been on the computer using an online dating site.

We hoped she'd find someone special

I never thought my mum would get into anything like that - it seemed so unlike her. But she said she was just enjoying herself.

“We lost count of all the men”

I was a bit worried about her meeting all those different men, but Kelly said Mum would probably find someone special soon and then we'd all be happier.

After that Mum started bringing her dates home to meet us.

The first time we were really pleased because he seemed like a nice guy. But then she brought another, and another, until we lost count of all the different men. Soon, they were staying over and we could hear the sound of them having sex in her room at night.

It was horrible. No one wants to think of their mum doing that.

Mum started drinking more too. After a while, we started finding empty vodka bottles all over the house and her breath would smell of booze even in the day.

She hardly spent any time with us now and, when she wasn't with a man, we often found her crying in her room. She would never tell us why.

The glint in Mum's eyes was gone now, they were dull and bloodshot. She was dressing more scruffily and her hair got all greasy and limp.

Me and Kelly had a long talk one night when she was out with yet another man. We were both worried about her - and scared that one of those nights she might not come home.

The next day we made her a special lunch and told her how worried we were, and that we missed her and wanted to be with her more. She shocked us both by flying into a rage screaming,

"Who do you silly girls think you are telling me how to live? This is grown up stuff - I have needs that you don't understand!"

She never felt loved

Kelly tried to calm her down. "We know you'd like to find a boyfriend mum, we don't mind that", she said, "but all this going out and drinking - it's messing you up!".

“Mum said she was aching inside”

Mum just sat there looking at us for a minute, but then her expression changed.

She broke down in tears and then it all came out. She told us she'd got addicted to online dating. No matter how nice a man was to her, and no matter how many dates she had, since dad left she'd never felt attractive or loved.

She said it was like she was aching inside and the aching only went away when she drank, but when she sobered up, it came back worse.

She kept apologising, telling me and Kelly she was sorry she wasn't a better mum.

We've got our mum back

Kelly was brilliant and told her we still loved her and always would. I put my arms around her and gave her a big hug. Kelly made her an appointment with the doctor and since then she's been getting help with her problems.

Mum still cries sometimes, but she's much happier and calmer than she was before. We spend a lot more time together now. It's like she went missing for a while and now we're back together as a family again. I know we'll be fine now because mum is dealing with her problems.

She doesn't go out on dates anymore. But she's so pretty and amazing I'm sure she'll find a nice man one day.

I tried to kill myself

For a while, Patricia had the life she'd always dreamed of. But it wasn't to last...

Not many 16-year-olds are lucky enough to find foster parents, but after years of unhappy home life, I was taken in by the most amazing couple. I loved them to pieces. Soon after, I met the most gorgeous and caring boy - and was amazed to find he wanted to be my boyfriend.

Losing it all

About a year and half later everything fell apart. My foster parents' marriage was on the rocks, so I didn't burden them with the problems between me and my boyfriend, Liam.

“My world was crumbling”

When I heard Liam had snogged another girl I was prepared to forgive him. But when we spoke, he told me he had feelings for her and wanted us to break up. I was heartbroken.

For weeks I shut myself in my room, unable to face the world. I heard my foster parents screaming at each other - it was like the sound of my world crumbling. Then came the moment I'd been dreading.

The dream was over

My foster mum told me the marriage was over. She gave me a hug and held me tight, but what she'd said meant I had to leave. They could no longer be foster parents - I had to go into care.

The home was an hour's bus ride away from school, so I hardly saw my friends. There was no internet, and I wasn't even allowed my mobile phone in the evenings. I felt so lonely. Then I found out I wasn't alone - I had a baby growing inside me.

Finding out I was pregnant was scary as hell. But I was excited about having the chance to be the kind of parent I never had.

I wanted to be a good mum

I was only 17, but I felt mature enough to cope. Besides, there were a few girls even younger than me who had babies at school and they seemed to be doing OK.

“Liam was horrified”

Liam had other ideas though. He was horrified and begged me to get an abortion. He arranged everything and wouldn't listen to any of my pleas to keep the baby.

At the abortion centre I cried through the whole process. It was the most horrible experience I can imagine.

The days following the abortion were the darkest of my life. With my family, my boyfriend, and now my baby all gone I could see no reason to carry on.

I took the ultrasound picture of my baby, a razor blade, my phone, and the teddy Liam gave me while we were together, and ran into some woods nearby.

It was winter and the woods were cold and dark. But somehow that felt right. I found a clear spot away from the path and took out the razor blade.

“Through my tears, I said goodbye”

I was determined to end it all, even though the pain was agonizing. I felt relieved that my problems would soon be over. I dialled Liam and, through my tears, said goodbye. He asked me what was going on, but I turned off my phone.

It started to rain as I laid there in the woods, bleeding, for what seemed like hours. I shivered with the cold, hoping it would all be over soon.

Then I heard voices coming through the trees. Liam had called the police.

Lessons in happiness

I was taken to hospital, then a psychiatric unit. There were so many appointments with different doctors in the days that followed. I was given medication to help me with my depression and to put me to sleep at night.

Although the medication helped, I still didn't care much what happened to me. But then I was transferred to a specialist youth hospital where I spent four weeks talking with psychiatrists, and learning social skills, confidence building, and how to deal with my emotions.

It was amazing. I began to look at life in a whole new way. I also did yoga there, which was the most relaxing thing in the world!

When the time came for me to leave I was pleased because I knew I was better, but worried, because I didn't really have a home to go to. But a friend's parents invited me to stay with them for a while.

They were lovely, I didn't want to outstay my welcome though, so when the social service offered me a small studio near my school I gladly took it.

A place to call home

I feel like I'm the one in control of my happiness now and, after all I've been through and the lessons I've learned, I know I can get through anything life throws at me.

I still feel sad when I think about the abortion, but I realise now that it would be better to wait until I have my own life sorted out before I can give a baby the life it deserves.

It scares me to think I could've died that day in the woods and never seen the sun again. My message to anyone who's thinking about trying anything like that right now is to think again. Even when it seems like there's nothing worth living for, there always is hope.

Help is out there - do not be afraid to ask for it. There are people who can get you through the misery and show you better ways to handle your problems.

Life is precious, please don't waste it.

I took on the bullies and won

Since Kirsty Small won a Respect Award For Taking A Stand, she's become something of a hero, with people everywhere admiring her strength and courage. But Kirsty knows all about what it's like to be the victim of bullying...

I have a mole on my face and since I was little, the kids at school made fun of me for it. I learned to rise above it though, you can't let people like that get you down.

Intimidated by gangs

On the council estate where I live in Baldock, you used to see vandalism all over the place and the gangs hanging around the streets would scare people so much they avoided walking past them.

“They'd shout all kinds of horrilbe stuff”

When my friend, Siobhan, started doing a paper round they started on her.

They'd shout all kinds of horrible stuff and threatened her whenever they saw her with the paper-delivery bag. In the end, Siobhan got so scared she was thinking about quitting.

"We can't let them win," I told her. "You want to deliver the papers and the people you deliver them to want to read them. We'll do the paper round together and show them that we won't put up with being terrorised!"

The fight was on

At first things were really tough. We were always looking over shoulders for the gang. If they saw us they'd pull the bags off us and run off with the papers. One time they even set fire to them and I burned my hands trying to put them out.

A lot of the adults on the estate were scared to talk to the police because they were scared that the gang would take revenge on them, but someone had to take a stand or they'd just carry on ruining our area.

“someone had to take a stand or they'd ruin our area”

I decided to report everything to the police. I thought people should know about what was going on, so I spoke to the local newspaper and they printed an article about it.

I wanted to send a message out to the gang that we weren't going to silently let them get away with their bullying any longer.

From then on, things started getting better.

The police listened to what I'd said and took action. But what was even better was that people on the estate started to stand up to the gang too.

Our community police officer set up a Residents Association, so local people could join together to make our area nicer, and I was elected as a youth representative.

I feel so proud to have done something for my community, the estate is much safer now, people say they hardly recognise it!

But my proudest moment of all came when I received a Special Young Person's Respect Award from the Home Secretary, John Reid.

Respect due!

At the ceremony, he said, "These awards are a fitting way to recognise these extraordinary people."

“I hope my story will inspire other teenagers”

Me, extraordinary! It was so exciting.

Really, I'm just a normal girl. But since the award, I've been interviewed by lots of newspapers and magazines - and now Slink!

I hope my story will inspire other teenagers to stand up to yobs where they live. It is possible to make a difference - I did, maybe you could too.

My bullying nearly killed her

Nicky started calling a girl at school names thinking it was a laugh. But things got out of hand...

Penny had thick glasses, wiry ginger hair, and a face full of freckles. She hardly spoke in class and when she did it was usually to make some kind of sarcastic comment, or take a dig at one of the rest of us for not being as brainy as her.

She made me look dumb

One day I put my hand up to answer a question and, when I got it wrong, I could hear Penny sniggering. She shouted out the right answer in a really smug way and made me look a total numb-brain!

“At least I'm not a ginger minger!”

I had to say something back, so I shouted, "at least I'm not a ginger minger!".

Everyone started laughing and joined in shouting "ginger minger" at her. Penny started crying and I got sent out of the class.

Picking on her felt good

I know it sounds horrible, but seeing her cry like that made me feel good.

I don't know why, it was like finding a new power. After that I started calling Penny names whenever I saw her. My friends would do the same and we said some really horrible things. She used to try and say stuff back, but it was always really lame and we'd laugh at her even more.

Sometimes we'd hide Penny's belongings at school. We used to think it was hilarious to see her searching around for it. And when we found out her mobile phone number we sent her text messages and phoned her up, putting on funny voices and trying to trick her.

It was only a bit of fun

I never really thought about how it was affecting Penny. We were only having a laugh with her. I suppose I just thought that, because Penny was so clever, she'd just think we were idiots and forget it. But it turned out it was affecting her a lot.

At school one morning, me and a few of my friends got called to see the Headmistress. She told us that Penny was in hospital because she'd drank some bleach. She said she'd done it because she wanted to get away from the bullying.

I felt absolutely awful. It was only supposed to be a joke, I had no idea Penny had taken it all so badly. I started crying right in front of my friends and couldn't stop. I said I'd do anything to make it OK.

The school arranged for me to have counselling.

The counsellor was really good. We talked a lot about my family and how my big sister treated me like I'd treated Penny. It made me understand my sister a bit better and helped me see that picking on someone else was not a good way to make myself feel important.

I learned a better way

After a while I talked to Mum and Dad about everything and then my sister. It was good to get everything out in the open. Now if something bothers me, I talk to my family about it, and my sister doesn't pick on me anymore.

“I sent her a letter saying I'm sorry”

I sent a letter to Penny saying how sorry I was. I still haven't heard back from her. She went to a different school after what happened. I hope she's happier there.

I've found that saying nice things and making other people feel good about themselves makes me feel much better than making fun of them ever did. I think I would like to be counsellor when I'm older.

Double Trouble

Some people believe that everyone has a doppelganger, someone who looks exactly like them, somewhere in the world. Olivia, 16, thinks hers might be a bit too close for comfort...

The first time I noticed something weird was going on was when my next door neighbour, Angie, blanked me in the street.

Strange goings on

Angie's a bit older than me, but we've been friends since I was tiny and she'd never been off with me before. So, I turned and ran after her, wondering what on earth could be the problem.

“But I hadn't been in town”

"What's up Angie?", I asked. "Are you mad with me about something?"

"Oh right, so you're speaking to me know are you?", She said.

"Of course I'm speaking to you.", I didn't have a clue what she meant.

"Yeah? Well you made a good job of pretending you didn't know me when you were with your mates in town yesterday."

But I hadn't been in town the day before...

It wasn't me!

I tried to tell Angie this, but she didn't seem too convinced.

"I would've sworn it was you Liv," she said. "But I did think it was kind of strange that you looked at me so blankly when I waved. I think you must have a twin!"

Nothing else happened for about a year afterwards and I forgot all about it.

Then one day my mum sat me down and started having a go at me because her friend, Gale, told her she'd seen me smoking in town.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing - I absolutely hate cigarettes and Mum knew it!

The twin returns

I denied it so much that mum called Gale and asked if she'd come over. When Gale came over, her jaw dropped as soon as she saw me.

She turned to Mum and said, "When did Liv dye her hair?"

"About two months ago," Mum said.

Gale looked back at me, "I'm really sorry Liv," she said, "I've made an awful mistake. But this girl I saw smoking, she looked just like you. She could've been your twin!"

Just a few days later this girl I was sure I'd never set eyes on before ran up to me in the street and started gushing about how much she liked what I'd done with my hair. I thought she was massively over-familiar, but I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept saying thank you.

"Wait till Jack sees your new look," she added, "he's gonna be so sorry!"

"Jack who?" I asked.

And the girl burst out laughing, "Cool", she said, "he's so past tense!"

"I'm sorry, I don't have a clue what you're on about." I told her, wondering if she could be insane.

Then she stopped and looked at me for a minute. She went bright red.

"You're not Cassie are you?" she said.

"No, my name's Olivia."

"Oh god, I'm so embarrassed. You look just like my friend Cassie," she said, "and she told me she was dying her hair black too, so I thought. Sorry, I'm going to go now." And she quickly walked off.

Who's Cassie?

Since then I've had so many people come up to me telling me they've seen me around town, sometimes smoking and drinking - so I suppose this Cassie girl must've got her hair done like mine! It's a bit of a worry really because I think she could get me into a lot of trouble.

“I think she could get me into a lot of trouble”

I've tried asking around to find out who Cassie is, but I haven't been able to find anyone who knows her yet. I really wish I'd asked her friend more about her that day, but I was so surprised I just let her walk away.

It'll be really weird if I ever meet Cassie. I hope I do though - if she's got any clothes that look good on her I could go buy them too!

Controlled by my crush

Anyone who's ever had a crush knows how powerful those feelings can be. But Suzie, 15, fell for the wrong person and ended up totally under his control...

When my best friend, Kelly, met Tim, I was really pleased for her. He was lovely and I hoped with all my heart that I could meet someone like that too.

So when she introduced me to Tim's friend, Chris, I thought my wishes had come true. We hit it off instantly. It was like love at first sight - for me at least.

From friendly to flirty

We swapped numbers and email addresses and soon we were texting and chatting on MSN whenever we were online. The chat quickly turned from friendly to flirty and Kelly said it was obvious that we were made for each other.

“Finally, I had a moment alone with him”

I'd never made a move on a boy before, but Chris was so special to me that I forced myself to pluck up the courage to ask him out. Finally, I had a moment alone with him and was about to ask, when he started telling me about this girl he'd started seeing. I was gutted, but I tried to act cool. I assumed the flirting between us would be over, but Chris had other ideas.

Birthday surprise

The day he messaged me saying, "hey sexy!". We flirted for ages, so I thought maybe it wasn't working out with his girlfriend so asked him if he was still seeing her.

He said he was, but, "That doesn't have to change anything between us..." I knew I shouldn't be flirting with someone else's boyfriend, but I was totally in love with him.

On the morning of my birthday Chris showed up at my house and asked to walk me to school. My mum and brother teased me because I looked so embarrassed. I didn't have the heart to tell them how confused he was making me.

On the way, Chris gave me a present. He told me to open it that night and made me promise not to tell anyone.

Wrapped around his finger

When I came to open the present, I was so excited that my hands were trembling - I couldn't imagine what it might be. Inside I found a webcam and a note saying he wanted to see me when we chatted. I felt like my heart would explode!

“He asked me to take off my top”

After that Chris constantly wanted to chat to me online with the webcam. We flirted outrageously. I knew he had me wrapped around his finger, but I just couldn't stop.

Eventually he asked me to take off my top on the webcam. And I did...

Even though I did it without questioning him, I felt so ashamed, and disgusted. He had controlled me so easily. He was cheating on his girlfriend and it didn't seem to bother him at all.

Next time we chatted he was even more suggestive and got me to take off my jeans too. As I sat there in my underwear, I felt like some kind of slave, wishing I could die. I wanted to tell him to get lost, but I thought I loved him, even though I knew he was a creep.

When the cat's away...

Then, his girlfriend went on holiday and he asked Kelly and Tim and me over to his to watch a film. When it got to five o'clock Tim and Kelly left to go on a date. I said I had to leave too, but Chris persuaded me to watch the rest of the film. So I stayed. When the film ended I got up to go. But Chris caught me by my arm and pulled me to him. He kissed me, and I forgot all about his girlfriend.

He laid me down me down on his be and we had sex.

Treated like crap

Things got really serious after that, we were seeing each other every night. It crossed, re-crossed and danced across my mind that what we were doing was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I loved him.

“If I told her, he'd never speak to me again”

The day his girlfriend came back from holiday he told me that if I told his girlfriend what had happened he would never talk to me again. So I kept quiet, ashamed that I had been thrown away like an old toy.

To this day I haven't told anyone, not even Kelly. Chris is still with his girlfriend, and he still flirts with me. I hope his girlfriend never goes away again, because I'm terrified of what will happen if she does.

I've told myself a million times to tell him where to go, but I never do. As sad as it sounds, I love him. I can't help it.

Don't do it

My message to any girls out there who're getting attention from a boy who is attached is that you have to be strong from the start and tell him to leave you alone. You don't want to end feeling like I do - used and chucked. I'm so lonely and I know that until I get over him I'll never fall in love with anyone else.

My mate killed herself

Kelly, 16, met Sonia on her first day at her new school, after that things were never the same for her...

I've always been shy and quiet and, on my first morning at my new school, I hadn't spoken a word to anyone except the teacher during registration.

I still remember that my first lesson was maths with Mrs Wilson. No one came to sit next to me. The rest of the class filed in one by one finding seats by to their friends, and soon the only empty chair left in the room was the one by me.

Miss popularity

Then a girl sauntered in apologising for being late and practically the whole class turned to say hi to her. I was startled when she came and took the chair next to me, but her friendly smile told me I didn't need to be anxious.

“Sonia was everything I wasn't”

Sonia was everything I wasn't - outgoing, popular, fashionable - but she was such a nice person she didn't seem to care and we became friends, and soon after we were best friends.

Sonia really helped bring me out of myself, I used to worry so much about what other people were thinking, but she taught me that what I thought about myself was the most important thing. Everyone liked her, and when they saw us together people started to wanting to be my friend too.

Bezzie mates

We'd been best friends for a year when, one day, at the start of year 9 this boy from year 11 came over and said that his mate, Martin, wanted to go out with Sonia.

I thought Martin looked really scrubby, but Sonia said she'd go on a date with him. And after that he became her boyfriend.

I never liked him, but it was obvious Sonia saw something in him so I didn't ever tell her. Sometimes I wonder if things might've been different if I had.

After a few months I noticed Sonia starting to change. I'd never seen her cry before but she started phoning me regularly in tears because he'd said or done something to upset her.

Bad boyf

She started getting suspicious about his friendship with his ex girlfriend, who was real cow to Sonia and even pushed her over one day. He kept saying nothing was going on but Sonia thought there was and one day she went over to his house and found them kissing in the back garden.

“I noticed marks and bruises on her skin”

Sonia was devastated and I got really worried about her. But she soon got back to her old self again. Just as that happened Martin asked her out again though, saying how much he missed and was sorry about the "one off" with his ex.

This time she acted like everything was going well, but I started to notice bruises and strange marks on her skin. I kept asking what they were and, when she ran out of excuses, she told me that Martin sometimes push and hit her and had even bitten her!

Sonia only told me because I promised not to tell. So I kept it to myself. I tried really hard to persuade her to break up with Martin, but she said she loved him and couldn't stand being without him.

Probably because I kept going on about how she should finish with Martin, Sonia stopped phoning me. And over the summer holidays we kind of grew apart.

Telling the dark secret

After the holidays Sonia had lost a lot of weight. She looked pale. And in PE I noticed that her legs were more bruised than ever. We started to become close again and she told me that Martin was having problems with his family, his dad was an alcoholic and beat him up sometimes. She thought that was why he was so mean to her.

I couldn't let it go on any longer, so when I knew she was at Martin's house I went and told her parents what had been going on. Her mum and dad were furious and went right over to Martin's and bought her home and banned her from seeing him.

Sliding down

The few next days at school I thought Sonia was angry at me for being the cause of her not being able to see Martin because she didn't speak to me, but I found out afterwards that she was just really depressed and had hardly spoken to anyone.

“I didn't realise how horrific it would be”

I got called out of class by the school counsellor. I guessed it must be bad news, but I didn't realise how horrific it would be. Sonia had been found dead that morning. She had hung herself with a belt.

It was hard to believe that someone who used to be so full of life couldn't have ended so low. I blamed Martin completely and, at the service we had for her at school the next day, I totally laid in to him on the way out. It was like I'd gone crazy. "You hurt her, and you two timed her, and she loved you and you never even appreciated her!" I yelled.

Moment of understanding

Martin just stood there in shock looking at me. Then tears came into his eyes and all he could say was "I'm sorry" over and over again.

Then something amazing happened. He reached over and hugged me, and started to cry. I realised then that Martin had lost someone too and in a way, we were both in the same situation. I felt so close to him that I hugged him back and said, "I'm sorry too."

He talked to the school counsellor about his problems at home and about Sonia and what happened when she was alive and how he felt after she died. I think it was even harder for him to lose her than it was for me.

Martin lives with his grandparents now and I count him as one of my best friends. It's just a shame it took such a tragedy to bring us so close.