Controlled by my crush

Anyone who's ever had a crush knows how powerful those feelings can be. But Suzie, 15, fell for the wrong person and ended up totally under his control...

When my best friend, Kelly, met Tim, I was really pleased for her. He was lovely and I hoped with all my heart that I could meet someone like that too.

So when she introduced me to Tim's friend, Chris, I thought my wishes had come true. We hit it off instantly. It was like love at first sight - for me at least.

From friendly to flirty

We swapped numbers and email addresses and soon we were texting and chatting on MSN whenever we were online. The chat quickly turned from friendly to flirty and Kelly said it was obvious that we were made for each other.

“Finally, I had a moment alone with him”

I'd never made a move on a boy before, but Chris was so special to me that I forced myself to pluck up the courage to ask him out. Finally, I had a moment alone with him and was about to ask, when he started telling me about this girl he'd started seeing. I was gutted, but I tried to act cool. I assumed the flirting between us would be over, but Chris had other ideas.

Birthday surprise

The day he messaged me saying, "hey sexy!". We flirted for ages, so I thought maybe it wasn't working out with his girlfriend so asked him if he was still seeing her.

He said he was, but, "That doesn't have to change anything between us..." I knew I shouldn't be flirting with someone else's boyfriend, but I was totally in love with him.

On the morning of my birthday Chris showed up at my house and asked to walk me to school. My mum and brother teased me because I looked so embarrassed. I didn't have the heart to tell them how confused he was making me.

On the way, Chris gave me a present. He told me to open it that night and made me promise not to tell anyone.

Wrapped around his finger

When I came to open the present, I was so excited that my hands were trembling - I couldn't imagine what it might be. Inside I found a webcam and a note saying he wanted to see me when we chatted. I felt like my heart would explode!

“He asked me to take off my top”

After that Chris constantly wanted to chat to me online with the webcam. We flirted outrageously. I knew he had me wrapped around his finger, but I just couldn't stop.

Eventually he asked me to take off my top on the webcam. And I did...

Even though I did it without questioning him, I felt so ashamed, and disgusted. He had controlled me so easily. He was cheating on his girlfriend and it didn't seem to bother him at all.

Next time we chatted he was even more suggestive and got me to take off my jeans too. As I sat there in my underwear, I felt like some kind of slave, wishing I could die. I wanted to tell him to get lost, but I thought I loved him, even though I knew he was a creep.

When the cat's away...

Then, his girlfriend went on holiday and he asked Kelly and Tim and me over to his to watch a film. When it got to five o'clock Tim and Kelly left to go on a date. I said I had to leave too, but Chris persuaded me to watch the rest of the film. So I stayed. When the film ended I got up to go. But Chris caught me by my arm and pulled me to him. He kissed me, and I forgot all about his girlfriend.

He laid me down me down on his be and we had sex.

Treated like crap

Things got really serious after that, we were seeing each other every night. It crossed, re-crossed and danced across my mind that what we were doing was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I loved him.

“If I told her, he'd never speak to me again”

The day his girlfriend came back from holiday he told me that if I told his girlfriend what had happened he would never talk to me again. So I kept quiet, ashamed that I had been thrown away like an old toy.

To this day I haven't told anyone, not even Kelly. Chris is still with his girlfriend, and he still flirts with me. I hope his girlfriend never goes away again, because I'm terrified of what will happen if she does.

I've told myself a million times to tell him where to go, but I never do. As sad as it sounds, I love him. I can't help it.

Don't do it

My message to any girls out there who're getting attention from a boy who is attached is that you have to be strong from the start and tell him to leave you alone. You don't want to end feeling like I do - used and chucked. I'm so lonely and I know that until I get over him I'll never fall in love with anyone else.