Web dating messed up my mum

When Jo's Mum got into online dating, she was pleased to see her having fun. Until it started taking over her life...

At first when my dad left us, my mum used to cry every day. We all missed him and it was so sad to see mum's heart breaking. She didn't eat much and lost a lot of weight. And she spent the evenings sitting on her own in her bedroom while me and my older sister, Kelly, were downstairs watching television.

Her sparkle came back

This went on for about six months. But then, in the space of just a few weeks, she seemed to snap out of it and went back to her old, bubbly self again.

She still spent a lot of time upstairs at night though. Me and Kelly thought, in time, that would pass too. But the weeks went by and she still spent every night in her bedroom.

“She wouldn't tell us where she was going”

Then she started dressing up sometimes and going out. When we asked her where she was going, she'd say, "just out."

We thought she was probably going into town with friends. It wasn't something she'd ever done before, but the old playful glint had returned to her eye, so we were just glad to see her looking happy again.

When her nights out started happening several nights a week, me and Kelly thought she must have a boyfriend. We decided to talk to her about it.

Really, we just wanted to let her know that we understood she had to move on with her life now, and, if she wanted to bring a man home to meet us, we'd be OK with it.

She asked us which man we wanted to meet first

I made mum a cup of tea and Kelly told her. But her response really surprised us.

"Which one would you like to meet first then?", she laughed.

"What, you mean you've got more than one boyfriend?", I said.

"Well, kind of, I've been doing online dating and I'm quite a popular girl." she told us proudly.

It turned out that all those nights me and Kelly had been sitting downstairs alone, thinking Mum had cooped herself up in her room because she was feeling low, she'd actually been on the computer using an online dating site.

We hoped she'd find someone special

I never thought my mum would get into anything like that - it seemed so unlike her. But she said she was just enjoying herself.

“We lost count of all the men”

I was a bit worried about her meeting all those different men, but Kelly said Mum would probably find someone special soon and then we'd all be happier.

After that Mum started bringing her dates home to meet us.

The first time we were really pleased because he seemed like a nice guy. But then she brought another, and another, until we lost count of all the different men. Soon, they were staying over and we could hear the sound of them having sex in her room at night.

It was horrible. No one wants to think of their mum doing that.

Mum started drinking more too. After a while, we started finding empty vodka bottles all over the house and her breath would smell of booze even in the day.

She hardly spent any time with us now and, when she wasn't with a man, we often found her crying in her room. She would never tell us why.

The glint in Mum's eyes was gone now, they were dull and bloodshot. She was dressing more scruffily and her hair got all greasy and limp.

Me and Kelly had a long talk one night when she was out with yet another man. We were both worried about her - and scared that one of those nights she might not come home.

The next day we made her a special lunch and told her how worried we were, and that we missed her and wanted to be with her more. She shocked us both by flying into a rage screaming,

"Who do you silly girls think you are telling me how to live? This is grown up stuff - I have needs that you don't understand!"

She never felt loved

Kelly tried to calm her down. "We know you'd like to find a boyfriend mum, we don't mind that", she said, "but all this going out and drinking - it's messing you up!".

“Mum said she was aching inside”

Mum just sat there looking at us for a minute, but then her expression changed.

She broke down in tears and then it all came out. She told us she'd got addicted to online dating. No matter how nice a man was to her, and no matter how many dates she had, since dad left she'd never felt attractive or loved.

She said it was like she was aching inside and the aching only went away when she drank, but when she sobered up, it came back worse.

She kept apologising, telling me and Kelly she was sorry she wasn't a better mum.

We've got our mum back

Kelly was brilliant and told her we still loved her and always would. I put my arms around her and gave her a big hug. Kelly made her an appointment with the doctor and since then she's been getting help with her problems.

Mum still cries sometimes, but she's much happier and calmer than she was before. We spend a lot more time together now. It's like she went missing for a while and now we're back together as a family again. I know we'll be fine now because mum is dealing with her problems.

She doesn't go out on dates anymore. But she's so pretty and amazing I'm sure she'll find a nice man one day.