I tried to kill myself

For a while, Patricia had the life she'd always dreamed of. But it wasn't to last...

Not many 16-year-olds are lucky enough to find foster parents, but after years of unhappy home life, I was taken in by the most amazing couple. I loved them to pieces. Soon after, I met the most gorgeous and caring boy - and was amazed to find he wanted to be my boyfriend.

Losing it all

About a year and half later everything fell apart. My foster parents' marriage was on the rocks, so I didn't burden them with the problems between me and my boyfriend, Liam.

“My world was crumbling”

When I heard Liam had snogged another girl I was prepared to forgive him. But when we spoke, he told me he had feelings for her and wanted us to break up. I was heartbroken.

For weeks I shut myself in my room, unable to face the world. I heard my foster parents screaming at each other - it was like the sound of my world crumbling. Then came the moment I'd been dreading.

The dream was over

My foster mum told me the marriage was over. She gave me a hug and held me tight, but what she'd said meant I had to leave. They could no longer be foster parents - I had to go into care.

The home was an hour's bus ride away from school, so I hardly saw my friends. There was no internet, and I wasn't even allowed my mobile phone in the evenings. I felt so lonely. Then I found out I wasn't alone - I had a baby growing inside me.

Finding out I was pregnant was scary as hell. But I was excited about having the chance to be the kind of parent I never had.

I wanted to be a good mum

I was only 17, but I felt mature enough to cope. Besides, there were a few girls even younger than me who had babies at school and they seemed to be doing OK.

“Liam was horrified”

Liam had other ideas though. He was horrified and begged me to get an abortion. He arranged everything and wouldn't listen to any of my pleas to keep the baby.

At the abortion centre I cried through the whole process. It was the most horrible experience I can imagine.

The days following the abortion were the darkest of my life. With my family, my boyfriend, and now my baby all gone I could see no reason to carry on.

I took the ultrasound picture of my baby, a razor blade, my phone, and the teddy Liam gave me while we were together, and ran into some woods nearby.

It was winter and the woods were cold and dark. But somehow that felt right. I found a clear spot away from the path and took out the razor blade.

“Through my tears, I said goodbye”

I was determined to end it all, even though the pain was agonizing. I felt relieved that my problems would soon be over. I dialled Liam and, through my tears, said goodbye. He asked me what was going on, but I turned off my phone.

It started to rain as I laid there in the woods, bleeding, for what seemed like hours. I shivered with the cold, hoping it would all be over soon.

Then I heard voices coming through the trees. Liam had called the police.

Lessons in happiness

I was taken to hospital, then a psychiatric unit. There were so many appointments with different doctors in the days that followed. I was given medication to help me with my depression and to put me to sleep at night.

Although the medication helped, I still didn't care much what happened to me. But then I was transferred to a specialist youth hospital where I spent four weeks talking with psychiatrists, and learning social skills, confidence building, and how to deal with my emotions.

It was amazing. I began to look at life in a whole new way. I also did yoga there, which was the most relaxing thing in the world!

When the time came for me to leave I was pleased because I knew I was better, but worried, because I didn't really have a home to go to. But a friend's parents invited me to stay with them for a while.

They were lovely, I didn't want to outstay my welcome though, so when the social service offered me a small studio near my school I gladly took it.

A place to call home

I feel like I'm the one in control of my happiness now and, after all I've been through and the lessons I've learned, I know I can get through anything life throws at me.

I still feel sad when I think about the abortion, but I realise now that it would be better to wait until I have my own life sorted out before I can give a baby the life it deserves.

It scares me to think I could've died that day in the woods and never seen the sun again. My message to anyone who's thinking about trying anything like that right now is to think again. Even when it seems like there's nothing worth living for, there always is hope.

Help is out there - do not be afraid to ask for it. There are people who can get you through the misery and show you better ways to handle your problems.

Life is precious, please don't waste it.