"You're going to die". That's what the doctors told me. I was determined not to, and that's what's kept me going throughout everything. Positive thinking can get you through a lot.
It started when I banged my arm on a flume at the swimming pool when I was 11. The pain got worse as the weeks passed and terrible shooting pains would wake me up in the night. The doctor didn't think it was serious and just kept telling me to come back if the pain was still there, but the fact was that the pain never really went away.
I persisted with the doctor because deep down I knew there was a real problem. Eventually I was referred to a physiotherapist, who suggested an MRI scan. The scan showed up what turned out to be a 'peripheral nerve sheath tumour' on my spine, or, to put it another way, cancer.
The start of treatment
After an operation to remove the tumour, I had eight weeks of daily radiotherapy. Every day I travelled for four hours to have five minutes of treatment to the top of my spine. I'd just started secondary school, but because of all of the travelling and treatment, I had to miss the first two months.
Eventually I went into remission. Even though there was still a shadow on the top of my spine I didn't care because I could go back to school and spend time with my friends who had been so supportive and who I'd missed so much during my treatment. The cancer was behind me, and that's all that mattered.
I thought everything was OK...
For two years, everything was fine and life was normal again. Then, suddenly, my life was thrown into another frenzy and everything changed.
All that I can remember from that fateful day is walking upstairs to my room, when I was suddenly struck by an agonising pain. I collapsed, unconscious with a brain haemorrhage and that's where the memory ends. When I woke up in hospital I found out that a blood vessel on my spine had burst and travelled to my brain. The blood vessel had been on another tumour. I had cancer again.
“The blood vessel had been on another tumour. I had cancer again ”
A week later I had a stroke, which left me disabled. Due to lack of oxygen to my brain, my vision started to go too. A week after that, I was completely blind. In the space of three weeks I'd gone from a healthy teenager to a blind, wheelchair-bound girl with cancer. And, because of the treatment, all my hair was about to fall out too. Quite a lot for a girl to take in.
I spent four months in hospital and started nine months of chemotherapy, which I had in tablet form at home because I'm terrified of needles. I went into remission again for two and a half years, then in September 2006, at the age of 17, I relapsed again.
I don't hate cancer. It's made me who I am.
I started a much tougher course of chemo, which unfortunately I had to have intravenously (needles!) in hospital. It lasted five months, and I've been in remission again now for nine months. The cancer could come back, but the longer I'm in remission, the less likely it is to return.
And now? I don't dwell on the past. I never have. I don't hate the cancer: it's made me who I am. I have brilliant friends, and I am never without my two little dogs, Molly and Daizy. They've adapted to my disabilities and know they have to put a toy in my hand if they want me to throw it for them. I haven't got a boyfriend at the moment, but I'm open to offers... lol only joking!
Ambitions for the future
My ambition is to have a career in writing. I may be blind, but I can still use my laptop. It has a speech software called Jaws, which reads out loud every key that I press. (My mobile phone works in the same way.) My autobiography, The Way I See It, will be in the shops on 10th January, and I write a column for my local paper. And I'd love to be a clothes designer and have my own charity one day. I'm also determined to walk again.
If I've learned anything from my experiences, it's to live life to the full and to never give up hope. Honestly, the world is my oyster. Cancer doesn't change that.
Note: Nicole had a very rare type of cancer. Banging your arm on a flume doesn't mean you're more likely to get cancer : P
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