"I think I'm a drug addict"

Amy, 16, thinks she might be addicted to drugs.

I first tried drugs about 6 months ago, and now I can't stop.

The first time it happened I was at this bar that me and my friends normally go to. This lad had a bottle of poppers and offered me some.

Even though poppers are pretty tame, they gave me a real buzz, which I liked.

A few weeks later I went back to the same bar with my best friend and ended up hanging around with the same lads.

They were a good laugh and to be honest I was hoping that they might offer us poppers again.

They had something different in mind

But there was something different on the menu. They were taking pills.

“At first nothing happened”

I'd never tried pills before, but they said it was a special offer, "The first pill's always free," this lad told me. "You'll enjoy it, I promise," he said. "It's like the poppers but a bit stronger."

So I said yes and took two. They were tiny and white, they looked so harmless.

At first nothing happened, then the night completely changed.

I felt totally weird. My body was shivering, and I felt like I had vertigo. I couldn't stop dancing and laughing. Which was quite frightening, 'cos I literally couldn't control myself at all.

The night went on forever

The lad that gave me the drugs started kissing and touching me. It felt amazing, really intense and weird.

But I got scared because I knew it was just the pills talking so I backed off and went to find my friend.

I started to feel really sick, and I just wanted to get out of there.

I was getting really paranoid and at one point I wanted to beat up one of my close friends because I thought she kept looking at me funny (she wasn't looking at me at all.)

I made it home and was really sick. I promised I'd never ever do it again, but I did.

“Never again... until the next time”

After the first time I started to forget about all the bad stuff that happened, and just remembered how good the rush felt.

I remembered how perfect my body felt and how it was like I was going to dance all night without getting tired.

I couldn't wait to do it all again.

That's the problem. You see the thing about me is that, even though I know people who sometimes take drugs, I do it way worse than anyone else.

I've lost control...

I always want more. I always want to take drugs. If someone offers me a pill I never turn it down. If we go out, I can't have a good time if I'm not pilling.

I don't take drugs on purpose. It started as just a thrill. Now I can't shake it off.

I don't hang out with the same group of girls anymore, because they're not as into the pills so they can't keep up with me.

They are worried about me, and have told me to stop, but now I'm in this new group and there's always plenty of pills to go round. It feels normal.

“Drugs feel normal now...”

I've got used to staying up all night, but I can hardly keep awake at school.

I don't really care though, because if I ever feel low about it, I know I can just go out. It's only now I've just typed that, that I can see how far things have gone.

I want to stop...

I do. I want to stop because my uncle was a drug addict. He killed himself as he owed so many drug dealers money. He left his two children fatherless.

I hope that I can change as I do not want to die, get ill or lose out on any of my mates because I'm too drugged up.

I would strongly recommend anyone who is wanting or getting pressurised into taking drugs to say no. You don't know how you will react against them and you can lose the people that care for you.